...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
