What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
