Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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