If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
