drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
