Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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