dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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