his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
