I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
