Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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