im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
