Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
