laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
