peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
