Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't notice because vodka
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
