Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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