This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
