are you still at the devil's house?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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