I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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