ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
