I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
