I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shame - the story of my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
