If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
