Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
