I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
