he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
