HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
