They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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