no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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