It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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