that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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