the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
