How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
