I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
