i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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