So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
