I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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