I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
