just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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