It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
