I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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