How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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