So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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