Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
