I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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