Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
