Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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