who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
