Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize