You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
