This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
