please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
