i think my mom watched the whole time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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