I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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