Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
