The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
