Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
