you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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