thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
