This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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