never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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