You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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