why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
