call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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