All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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