just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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