A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
