how can u be prego again
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
