remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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