It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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