is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
