My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
