Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
