Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
