Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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