Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
