found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
