Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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