I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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