Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
